Que, Sara?

This blog under construction

2010-06-10T12:14:00.002-05:00

I just moved and am currently internet-less. So I haven't taken time to write updates, but I have many ideas for blogs, a few of which I'm working on right now. Look for updates this summer. I promise, they're on their way.

It hurts

2010-03-31T19:35:00.006-05:00

I was inspired to write today by the strangest thing—my toenail. For those of you that like to pretend women are delicate flowers, you may not want to proceed. Oh? OK. Well, don't say I didn't warn you.

Monday greeted me with a sore "index toe" on my right foot, like it was bruised under the nail. I suffered through my next couple runs wearing thick socks and tightening my shoe laces, only to feel my toe throb for hours. Today when I got home from work I couldn't take it any longer. I removed my sock and saw that the top of my toe was turning slightly purple in color. "This isn't good," I thought, remembering how several month prior I had been in a similar situation on my opposite foot. You always have to consider your options. If you have a blister on your toe you can pop it, or leave it alone. If you leave it alone... it might get better. Or, it might get worse. The other option—you can cut off the toe. The problem with cutting off your toe is now you're missing a toe—forever.

Instinctively I grabbed my nail clippers and began to cut the nail, exposing the skin beneath it. And finally it popped. The blister underneath the nail oozed clear liquid and with it brought relief. I felt my muscles relax as I was finally able to let go of the pain and pressure of that blister pressing against my nail.

It made me think of other times in my life where I've cut the nail to ease the pressure. It seems so difficult to do at first, the actual act of clipping the nail, because it hurts... real bad. But all of that fear and hesitation pays off once the pain is gone and the toe heals. And the toe can't heal unless you pop the blister. Injuries rarely heal unless you choose to do something to make them better. Heartache is no exception.

It's easy to recall the pain I've suffered in my life, not necessarily physical, though some of the most traumatic experiences I've had are a combination of the two. Even the pain I've endured this past year is right there... just behind my consciousness. Although each memory still makes me ache a bit, I can't help but think about the progression I've made because of these moments. A year ago I was barely running 3 miles, panting like a dehydrated dog at the half way point. Now I'm pushing myself to see how quickly I can run them, taking breath in with energy. I wouldn't have that achievement if I hadn't taken the first step to try and fix things.

It's strange to say that I'm thankful for pain, but I am. It reminds me of the micro tears that occur in muscles when you work them hard. You sprint over and over again and two days later you can barely get out of bed. You put in so much effort only to feel weak. But that pain actually means you're healing... getting stronger. The damaged muscle cells begin to break down, being cleared away for a more concrete bond, resulting in more resilient muscles. If you didn't push yourself harder on occasion you wouldn't develop.

I continue to run, to sprint miles and miles, risking blisters and muscles tears and breakage, because without it... I just don't feel whole.

The end of another quarter

2010-03-18T23:03:00.002-05:00

Another 3 months gone... what do I do with my time?

I'm a graduate. Finally.

I ran a 1/2 marathon, a race I made up myself... ran it on a treadmill... 13.1 miles of sheer glory.

I baked a Guinness chocolate cake. I did not take a photo, but was told it tasted amazing.

I've worked an average of 50 hrs per week.

I went on a mini getaway to Sheboygan and had a perfect time.

I dyed my hair red.

I drown in my own thoughts.

I'm training for a marathon.

A new season is starting so I figured a new template could be appropriate. I also thought about starting a new blog for my marathon training. Now I'm in the 2nd month of it so I think I'll just pick up here in the middle of things... I'll start on Saturday... 11 miles to run.

An interesting weekend

2009-12-20T22:33:00.002-06:00

Have I truly been absent for 3 months? I've been distracted, in some ways good... in others, bad. A lot has happened since I last wrote, and my one reader already knows it all. :) So... why blog it? I guess because right now I'm seeking a distraction. Let me try to make this work.

When faced with a path to self discovery, there's an option to take it... and an option to follow the detour. I feel that, much to my sincere appreciation, I took the path set before me not necessarily prepared for all obstacles, but with a pure determination to succeed. Who knows, maybe I could pull off some some sweet Mcgyver moves along the way. I've always been pretty self aware, but the last several months have made me especially so, possibly even more neurotic in some ways.

I began running again—only this time it was with a vengeance. I actually began to set goals for myself, finishing a 5k for the 3rd time ever in November. Once the race ended, I knew I needed something else to focus on so I printed off a half-marathon training schedule and I've been following it diligently ever since. I'm extremely grateful for the strength this regimen has provided as well as the positive changes in my attitude and physical appearance. However, this weekend seemed to throw a behemoth wrench in the gears and progress has halted. I'm blogging in the interim.

I over-celebrated my impending graduation on Friday night after a day of trying to write a paper and finish some general day-to-day tasks, so there was no run. Saturday, I feel quite certain I was caught in the throws of recovery, napping most of the day. Saturday night was spent with dear friends for one's birthday. So, no run. Today I made a valiant effort to begin my paper, only to find myself falling asleep on a bi-hourly basis. Before I knew, it was time to go to dinner with my sister and her husband. Next, a completely unforeseen, emotional, heart-wrenching conversation left me with raw tear ducts and severed heart strings. It was a healing event, but it has completely taken my focus off the task at hand. So tonight, no run.

The tricky mixup with paths is that occasionally one may be forced to transform some twine, a container of bubbles and a spoon into a mechanism for clearing brush obstructing progress. If I hadn't come across the pile of happenstances, I don't think I would have realized how important running is to my final destination—following my path would not have seemed so worthwhile. I don't have any of those aforementioned items handy... but I need to get back on the path... and quick. First step... get back to that stupid paper.

Thanks for letting me be distracted for a moment.

Home sick

2009-09-10T17:49:00.002-05:00

I've spent the last week being sick, some days worse than others. Beginning yesterday, I especially felt sick. I don't get ill very often, so when I do, it's pretty bad and I sort of whine a lot. I've been suffering from headaches, aches & pains, coughing, fever and chills. The triage nurse tells me I have symptoms of H1N1. Just call me a lil piggy, I guess.

So after tempting to make it through the work day I was sent home by my boss (thank you, thank you, thank you). I stopped off at a friend's place quickly to deliver some of the cake and, in return, received a to-go lunch in the form of Tuscan Vegetable soup. It was so delicious and definitely put me in the mood to sleep, but I also decided to make some soup for dinner. Sure, I could have picked up some Campbell's soup, but when I could make it myself... forget it.

I made a quick trip to the grocery store and picked up the fixings for Chicken Noodle Soup: a whole chicken, celery, onion, carrot, herbs and broth. I know a lot of people swear by making their own broth, but reduced-sodium broth in a can works well for me.

Its cavity filled with herbs, veggies and lemon and its skin stuffed with olive oil and butter, I roasted the chicken in the oven for an hour and a half. Meanwhile, I clarified some onions and shallots in butter and olive oil, adding some garlic just a few minutes before adding the broth. Once the broth was added, I placed a bouquet of herbs in the liquid and allowed it to simmer while the chicken cooked.

I roasted the chicken until the internal temperature was about 165 degrees (completely cooked is 180 degrees) then let it sit for a few minutes to allow the chicken to finish cooking and the juices to redistribute. I removed the skin and shredded the chicken meat using two forks and added the meat to the broth. I then added big chunks of carrots and celery to the soup and allowed it to simmer for about 1/2 hour. I then removed the herb bouquet and added packaged egg noodles. Usually I would make these from scratch, but not today, kids.

I then reduced the heat to very low and allowed it to simmer about 10 more minutes, or until the noodles are soft. I had a small bowl right away, but as with most soups, this is equally good (if not better) the next day. I'm pretty sure I'll be feasting on this for a few days. The picture will have to wait because I think I'm about to doze back off to la la land. Sweet dreams.

I baked a cake!

2009-09-09T00:06:00.007-05:00

First attempt at butter cream from scratch, first attempt at a 3-tier cake, first attempt at stacking and frosting a cake. I love to bake, but I tend to stick to small items like cookies and pies. This sort of looks like stucco/ancient architecture, but I'm proud of it nonetheless.

Converting my oven into a grill

2009-08-24T20:10:00.005-05:00

Last week I really had a huge craving for grilled veggies and chicken. My schedule has been somewhat pressing lately, so I chose grill night carefully only to have the day arrive complete with rain. I'm not really a girly girl, I was in the National Guard for cry eye, but I'm not a fan of grilling in the rain.

So I came upstairs after work and began prepping my veggies in case the rain passed. The forecast wasn't on my side and I was afraid that when the rain finally passed, it could start back up at any moment. I decided to do the next best thing to grilling--roasting.

Traditionally when people roast veg, they use a cookie sheet etc as a sturdy surface. I decided to make things a little interesting. I lined my oven racks with tinfoil and preheated the over to 475 degrees. I sprayed a little cooking spray on the tinfoil then strategically placed red and green peppers, onions and summer squash in pretty little rows. After about 15-20 minutes, I flipped the veggies and let them continue to sizzle for 15-20 more minutes. Since I was using both racks, it was difficult to switch from top to bottom, etc, so for the last 5 minutes, I switched the over to broil so as to blacken the pepper skins (you want this for roasted peppers).

Using tongs and a heavy duty pot holder, I pulled the veggies off of the

tin foil and placed them on a dish. The result was a bounty of (mostly) organic produce with a smoky grilled taste, complete with grill marks. The leftovers may go into a small batch of veggie bisque.

Strawberry Rhubarb Pie

2009-08-24T01:05:00.003-05:00

Knowing it was his favorite, I decided to make a strawberry rhubarb pie for my co-worker friend's birthday. My favorite baking cook book of the moment is The America's Test Kitchen Family Baking Book, so I decided to use that for my first attempt at this mid-western dessert classic. It produced rave reviews, so I'm sharing it with you.

Strawberry Rhubarb Pie

1 recipe of double-crust pie dough

1 1/2 lbs (3-4 large ribs) of rhubarb, trimmed, peeled and cut into 1-inch chunks

4 cups (20 oz) strawberries, hulled and quartered

1-1 3/4 cups plus 1 tbsp sugar

2 tbsp cornstarch

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

pinch of salt

1 egg white, lightly beaten

Roll one disk of dough into a 12-inch circle on a lightly floured surface, fit into a 9 in. pie plate, cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 30 minutes. Roll the other disk into a 12-inch circle, transfer to a parchment-lined baking sheet, cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

Toss the rhubarb, strawberries and 1 cup of the sugar together in a large bowl and let sit, tossing occasionally, for about an hour. Adjust an oven rack to the lowest position, place a foil-lined baking sheet on the rack, and heat the oven to 425 degrees.

Drain the fruit thoroughly through the colander, reserving 1/4 cup of the juice. In a large bowl, toss the drained fruit, 1/4 cup reserved juice, cornstarch, vanilla and salt together until well combined.

Spread the dough into the dough-lined pie plate, mounding it slightly in the middle. Loosely roll the second crust over the pie. Trim so about 1/2 inch of the dough hangs off the edge of the pie plate. Then fold and crimp the edges. Cut 8 vent holes in the top. Brush the crust with the egg white and sprinkle with the remaining 1 tbsp sugar.

Place the pie on the baking sheet and bake until the top crust is golden brown, about 25 minutes. Reduce the oven temp to 375 degrees, rotate the baking sheet, and continue to bake until the juices are bubbling and the crust is deep golden brown, 25-35 minutes longer. Let the pie cool on a wire rack until the filling has set, about 2 hours.

Here is the end result:

All-Butter Double-Crust Pie Dough

1/3 cup ice water, plus extra as needed

3 tbsp sour cream

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tbsp sugar

1 tsp salt

16 tbsp (2 sticks) unsalted butter frozen until firm

Mix the water and sour cream together until well combined. Whisk the flour, sugar and salt together in a large mixing bowl. Grate the frozen butter over the dry ingredient mixture using the medium side of a grater.

Cut the mixture together using two butter knives until it resembles coarse pea-sized crumbs. Pinch the dough to see if it holds together. If it crumbles, add more ice water 1 tbsp at a time and cut the dough together until the dough forms large clumps and no dry flour remains.

Divide the dough into two pieces. Turn each piece of dough onto a sheet of plastic wrap and flatten each into a 4-inch disk. Wrap each piece tightly in plastic wrap and refrigerate the dough for 1 hour. Before rolling out the dough, let it sit out for 10 minutes.

New leaf, get ready to flip

2009-08-23T01:22:00.002-05:00

It's the moment in the movie when the newly single female realizes she's been missing out on important parts of her life because she fell into a pit of self-deprecating misery and could barely make it out of bed in the morning. Well.. it's not a movie, but it's me and here it is. My life.

Saturday was monumental for me in small ways. I slept. Over a full night for the first time since I moved in the new apartment. I've been busy every weekend and occupado most nights, but still managed to wreak havoc on my small space. I spent a few hours cleaning in the morning/early afternoon, conversing with friends via iChat half the time, but enjoying their company immensely. Now that the apartment looks like the resident of a sane grown up, I think I'll be able to enjoy it even more and really relax into this new way of life.

This afternoon I ran some small errands. Purchased materials to make a headboard (I'll post this later). I bought a new modem (ugh). And I purchased I Love You Man on DVD. Quite amazing, really.

One unusual thing for me today is that I didn't eat. "That's not good." "Oh no. That's unhealthy."

Whatever. If you saw me, you would think I could stand one day without food. It was surprisingly easy since I kept myself busy all day (though as I write this, I wish someone was delivering a pizza). But the even better part is I even put in a STRONG workout today in spite of it.

For the first time in about 10 months, I ran five miles... all at once. Yes, it was slow (it took me an hour including warm up), but it felt amazing! I may be sore in the morning though. Eek. Anyway, today... I will clean the car. That will also probably take a few hours. But it will be worth it. Thank you breath of life!

My Legs are Crazy!

2009-04-25T15:13:00.002-05:00

Per the usual, it was crappy weather on Crazy Legs day. This morning's rain, thunder and lightening couldn't stop thousands of participants from completing the 2mile walk/ 5k run leading to Camp Randall. I just did the 2-mile walk with my co-worker Kristen. We met up with a few others at the Stadium, drank "some" free beer, then walked another 1.5 miles to Five Guys on State Street for some delicious burger & fries. Now, A is beginning his pre-Vegas party with the guys... and my friends aren't answering their phone. I need to get away from the testosterone. I'm hoping the girls call me back soon, or I'm going to take a nap.

Something to pass the time

2009-04-07T20:50:00.003-05:00

Tuesday nights are long and strange at the newspaper office. Hours of waiting for copy editors and adjusting InDesign layouts begin to rehearse fugues on my nerves.

I waste too much time. It's my own fault. I waste time at work, sitting at a desk, staring at a computer, longing for true freedom. I waste time in front of this device, wondering what to do next. I waste time hoping to get an infinite number of tasks completed. I'm not lazy. I want to work for the things I have. But I want to do the work of something loveable. For those who have mastered the art of doing what they truly love, I am envious.

There is no significant thread string me to my job except a bi-weekly paycheck. Worst of all, I've begun to feel... contempt?... for those who were once my equals and are now my superiors. Don't misconstrue, I don't want to do what they do. Stagnancy isn't cured by progession for the sake of progression. I need to feel elevation in self internally and externally. Provide me with some opportunity.

Eager

2009-04-02T19:32:00.004-05:00

It's too bleak outside for April Showers. Aside: I wish my blog had more focus... I'll have to work on that.

Ciabatta bread makes great pizza crust

2009-03-23T23:26:00.002-05:00

We have cardinals

2009-03-23T23:23:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure where his wife was when this was taken, but it was cold out.

2009-03-15T22:05:00.007-05:00

Today was an absolute beautiful day. A' biked to the capitol and has been talking about a sore bottom ever since, but it was the perfect day to get out. I, on the other hand, went out briefly to get a mani/pedi (it's spring break, I had to so SOMETHING vacation-like) and then watched the entire season 3 of Weeds on Instant Netflix and got to play with

my new toy. That's right. Finally, my new DSLR. I had to search around the East side for a compatible CF, but this afternoon, I was finally able to use it a little. Here are a couple of pictures from my first day.

Cal is my 5-year-old domestic cat I adopted from an animal shelter. I've had him nearly his entire life and it shows in our relationship. I'm

not a crazy cat lady, I'm not. But we have found a way to communicate through our tone :)

Just getting comfortable with the camera and playing with the aperture.

I interviewed Evan Taubenfeld, Avril Lavigne's old lead guitarist

2009-03-11T00:04:00.001-05:00

Here's the link to the story, if you care to read it: www.dailycardinal.com/article/22467

It all happened so quickly

2009-02-26T23:38:00.004-06:00

Losing someone is never easy, even if it's expected. But when they come in pairs or threes, just brace yourself. Two people I knew... are gone.

Tonight, I learned on the 10'o'clock news that a former friend and co-worker died from a roadside car bomb in Afghanistan. A couple of years younger than myself, Dan and I met after high school while we both worked at the Great Wolf Lodge in Wisconsin Dells. Our outgoing personalities and quirky sense of humor made us fast friends, and we would chat at work about random things. We were also both in the National Guard.

We lost touch after moving on from our jobs, but I saw him last year while he was walking out of the Union. He was working with Brinks filling ATMs. I didn't think it was appropriate to stop him while he was working, so I let him go without saying a word. I remember he was smiling. That's the way I'll always remember him—smiling. His warm smile was a crystal clear reflection of who he was.

Tonight, I'm sad I didn't say anything to him that last time. My prayers go out to his family and girlfriend. I hope they are able to find comfort in his memory. (Click on his picture to read the article)

Last Monday, my boyfriend's dear grandpa, Ray, died at the age of (almost) 94. After living nearly an entire century of life to its fullest, his body just couldn't keep up with his mind anymore. He passed away early in the morning in his hospital bed. His wife Cecelia, son, Randy, and daughter-in-law, Rosie, arrived at the hospital as they were taking him upstairs.

Sunday, the day before, we threw a party in his honor at the hospital—partially to celebrate his birthday, March 1, but most

ly we wanted to celebrate his life. As we approached the doorway to his room, Grandpa was sitting up in the hospital bed, decked out in a Green Bay Packer shirt. The excitement of having so many members of his family around overwhelmed him to the point where breathing became more difficult than it had been, but the joy in his eyes said the words he couldn't. As I bent down to hug him, he said "Sara," and tried to give me kisses through his oxygen mask.

Sometimes in small groups, other times all of us together, we stood and sat near his bedside throughout the afternoon. Randy combed his hair and everyone did their best to make sure he stayed comfortable. His memory faltered only for brief moments, but his sense of humor was resilient. Who says ice chips can't taste like dumplings? With a devilish smile and a smack of his lips, he even enjoyed some small sips of his favorite beer, Hamm's.

Grandma sat in a wheel chair at Grandpa's right side and read him birthday cards, get-well cards and Valentine's Day cards, proof of his selective hearing since his hearing-aid was out on that side. But it was the quiet moments between the two of them that spoke to me most. They shared practically 70 years of marriage and nearly a lifetime of friendship. They raised five children, survived the Great Depression and the second World War, and they lived in a hut after the war with their young son. Theirs is the life people write stories about.

So what do I say to a man I have so many things to say to? How do I ask all of the questions rolling around in my head like thunder? I wanted to know everything about this man. How did he propose to his wife? How did he feel driving his first car? What did he do in Korea during WWII? How did it feel to hold his first son? To build his own home? What was the secret to turning his garden?

I only knew him for four short years, but he touched my heart more than I ever let him know. I hope he was able to figure it out. He influenced Aaron in a way that will last forever, and I am grateful for that. He had a way of making people feel welcome and smile. His sense of humor was steadfast. We enjoyed a bond over our military service, even if they were completely different experiences. Four short years, but I remember nearly every embrace I shared with this man.

Before we left the hospital, I asked Aaron to ask his grandpa how he and Grandma met. I'm glad Aaron asked. Grandpa proceeded to tell us how he and Cecelia lived on farms near one another, and in the fashion of that time, they would help one another out. They went to the same Catholic church and sang in the church choir together as children. How did they know they were right for one another? "It took some time," Grandpa said. "But we both just figured it out [at the same time]."

"Like a lightbulb, Grandpa?"

"Yeah, Yeah, Like a lightbulb."

It's a memory we'll cherish forever.

Early Monday morning, as he was having difficulty breathing, Ray told the nurses he wanted to go home. It was his wish to go through the house he built one last time before he died. The nurses said "no." Not being one who enjoyed being told what to do, I'm sure he just decided to go home in his own way.

You're still handsome, Grandpa. And no, not just barely.

Oh, happy day

2009-01-20T16:30:00.002-06:00

Good job, America. Thus far, we've done what we can do to facilitate change in our country. The proof is in today's pudding, Inauguration Day! Talk radio airwaves buzz with positive news from the White House and today's proceedings. I'm happy to know I helped make this happen and I can bathe in the glory, joy and hope filling the hearts of our countrymen and women on this wonderful day. I will remember this moment forever, and I look forward to the day I can share this story with my children.

Culinary Chronicles

2008-11-21T19:28:00.004-06:00

This is going to be my project over winter break. Please help keep me on task and motivated. I'm excited to share it with you.

Aaron's seared scallops with soy orange sauce.

Halloween in Vegas

2008-11-21T17:30:00.005-06:00

Sorry, so late. Here are some photos from Las Vegas.

Outside of MGM, they have these large "Atlas" men bearing the weight of an even larger basin. At night, the lights accent each beautiful detail of these sculptures.

A wonderful, and free, attraction outside of the Bellagio are the singing/ dancing fountains. We stayed around for a few performances, each one different and lovely. The songs usually vary from opera to classical to show and pop tunes.

Each resort has an entirely different feel and decor. New York, New York is exactly what you would expect to find. The Luxor is a giant black and glass pyramid with a wonderfully detailed sphinx at the opening. The Excalibur is a castle, with bright and bold towers. You may notice the crescent moon tucked between two towers in this photo.

Dale Chihuly pieces grace the ceiling of the Bellagio lobby and other common areas of the resort.

Can you feel it?

2008-10-27T19:20:00.002-05:00

Change is coming...

Escaping the clutches of the bathroom bouncer

2008-10-26T13:18:00.002-05:00

My cousin Nicky came up to visit last night. We joined Aaron and some other friends downtown. After some general shenanigans, we went out to a few bars. At Johnny O's, we had to wait outside for a bit, while some hos in tights and Ugg boots jumped the line, but once we got in, we went straight to the bar so Nicky could order some drinks. After this, we had to use the restroom. Upon reaching our destination, we realized that the ladies room had a 6-8 person wait... but the mens room was completely available.

Well, we ran in quickly to use their restroom. The bathroom bouncer shouted, "Ok ladies, you need to get out," but I wasn't about to stop what I was doing. The whole thing took literally 30 seconds. I finished before Nicky, washed my hands and walked out of the bathroom, totally ignoring the bathroom bouncer's calls for me to stop. I know I heard him say something to the effect of, "You're out of here." Ha.

So I made a beeline for the outdoor patio, the bathroom bouncer on my heels. I turned to him and exclaimed, "I'm a designated driver," as if that would change his mind. He repeated his previous threat, and my response was, "well... how do you KNOW I'm a woman??? You don't know."

He replied with, "Ok, that's it," and walked away... presumably to get another bouncer or a cop. Who knows. Anyway, I snuck back inside like a puma and hide behind Aaron and our friends. He didn't come looking for me after that.

So... that's how you escape a bathroom bouncer... should you ever find yourself in such a position.

Creativity at work

2008-10-17T22:46:00.005-05:00

I made my own fascinator tonight.

And I made some Thank You cards last weekend for A's sister.

Insight or just plain insomnia?

2008-10-17T00:52:00.003-05:00

At times like this, when everything is still, when even your lungs seem to rest... is when you really hear what's going on around you. The air is disturbed with sounds of a building's bones settling in for the chill that occupies nights like this. The tubes in the television echo a resonating 'clunk.' I hear the ticking of the wall clock but only as it drifts in and out of my consciousness. I swear that this is the second train I have heard in the last half hour... it's a noise that I have welcomed here which seems strange considering that I don't think I ever heard it as an adolescent. Sometimes when it rolls by, the sound of neighborhood dogs howling in a dissonant chorus becomes so loud it almost swallows the train whole.

I have a creative big crawling underneath my skin tonight and I feel like my mind will not rest until I have exercised the muscle. It's similar to the sensation I get if I try to fall asleep after a run without stretching first. After lying in bed for nearly an hour, I have to rise and writhe on the living room floor until my calves and quads are ready to retire. I'm attempting to do something remotely thoughtful without causing an entire night of sleeplessness for myself and without waking Aaron from a somewhat fragile slumber. I know his alarm will be going off in a mere three hours... I want him to rest.

So I sit. Writing to you... whomever with music anchored inside of my head. Here's my insomnia playlist:

Third Day, When the Rain Comes
Sia, Breathe Me
Rocky Votolato's entire discography
Or maybe just I'll Catch You, Every Red Cent, and Alabaster
Rachel Cantu, Hear My Laughter
Old 97s, Designs on You and Question
Bundle Up Billy, Begin or Sammi
Nat King Cole, (I Love You) For Sentimental Reasons
The Mars Volta, The Widow
Makeshift Ego, Convince Me
Limbeck, I Saw You Laughing
Kings of Convenience, Homesick
Joni Mitchell, California
Iron & Wine, The Night Descending
Imogen Heap, Hide & Seek
The Honorary Title, Everything I Once Had
Feist, Brandy Alexander
Elliott Smith, Twilight
Eleni Mandell, American Boy
Dr. Dog, The Pretender
Calexico, Inspiracion
The Builders and the Butchers, Bottom of the Lake and Black Dresses
Ben Folds, The Luckiest
Band of Horses, The General Specific

I'm disappointed that I don't have any Kathleen Edwards or Rosie Thomas on my iPod... among other things. Throw out recommendations, if you have them. Speaking of Rosie Thomas, she will be in Chicago in December. I'd like to go.

One of the reasons I live here

2008-10-13T21:15:00.002-05:00

Fall is finally here. The evenings are a little cooler and the days more mild. The spectrum of colors on the trees has exploded into rusty reds, fiery oranges and rich yellows. The smell of burning leaves transports me back to being a kid and I look forward to breaking out my collection of scarves. Other than the first gentle days of spring, and I mean real spring- not that in like a lion and out like a lamb garbage, this is my favorite time of year.

October is also the time I start thinking about making pot roasts, roasted root vegetables like acorn squash and baking until my hand mixer burns out. I recently baked apple crisp, which turned out to be extremely delicious. I used locally grown Cortland apples from an orchard in Cottage Grove that were really great. I did end up freezing half of the apples to use for pie at a later time.

I want to start baking cookies and making comfort food.

Nights in Rodanthe- Boo Hiss

2008-10-09T21:29:00.003-05:00

I just got home from a girls' night out at the Stoughton Cinema. This place is pretty cool and novel for a small town and tosses the traditional concept of a movie theatre out the window. The room, lacking that familiar downward sloping floor, was filled with small round tables and comfy 1970's chairs. We had dinner, scrumptious pizza, delivered to our table, but there was also lasagna, chicken and twice-baked potatoes. Yeah, crazy. I didn't see beer... but I didn't really ask.

So, we saw the new flick starring Richard Gere and Diane Lane. Based on the Nicholas Sparks' novel, Nights in Rodanthe is a love story all about adults getting a second chance at love.

Adrienne (Lane) is a woman whose life has been turned upside down in the last six months. Coping with the loss of her father, a cheating husband begging to come home and a rebellious teenage daughter, Adrienne leaves her kids with their father and she travels to Rodanthe, an oceanside town in North Carolina, to watch after her friend's beach house bed & breakfast and search for clarity and tranquility.

With the prospect of a major storm looming, bed & breakfast guest Dr. Flanner (Gere) arrives early, not to enjoy a relaxing weekend away but to confront his own demons.

As the storm trembles through the house, this pair seeks comfort in one another's arms, creating a relationship that will change them and their lives.

Now, I haven't read this particular Sparks' novel, but based on those I have read, this movie follows suit. Sparks is a genius at pulling women in with a heart-wrenching love story only to disappoint in the end, for one reason or another. Do any of his books really end happily ever after? *sigh*

Aside from the somewhat predictable story line, this movie still didn't grab me. Sure, I felt that burning clench in the middle of my throat a few times, and I did have to push back some tears, but I still didn't feel compelled sit through the entire thing-- note: run time is only 97 minutes.

Gere's performance as hard-ass turned compassionate lover (see also: Pretty Woman) comes off as phony heroics. Despite Lane's soft and loving demeanor throughout much of the film which provokes his sudden desire to show emotion, the transformation and shift from confidants to lovers just doesn't feel genuine. The movie focuses on these two characters during the entire film, but an hour and a half doesn't seem long enough to develop these characters naturally. More believable is the relationship between the confused mother and defying daughter. Several touching moments occur that alter their relationship in a tangible way.

Maybe I just need to read the book to gain a greater appreciation for this film or maybe I need to be closer to the end of my cycle, but I just wasn't impressed with this flick.

Maternal instincts are kicking in

2008-09-25T22:19:00.002-05:00

I've never really been the girl who fawns over small cuddly children. Nor have I been fond of misbehaved ankle biters. But lately, something has come over me. Literally every single time I see a pregnant woman with full and firm belly protruding or a small laughing child running carefree through the mall, I feel an aching inside of me that has never existed.

This is no joke. I'm being real here. My womb is actually aching to have children... now. Right now. Bring 'em on!

Don't make that face, like I'm crazy or something. I really can't help it. In fact, I've tried to make it stop and it only seems to make matters worse. My co-worker brought in her little 4-month-old boy a few weeks ago and I had to walk away. No, it's not because he looked like an alien. It's because I want a little alien of my own.

Well, my uterus is convinced that it wants a little alien right now. I have come to terms with that fact that it won't be happening for... well, awhile. Which is fine!

Trust me, in my head, I know I'm not ready for aliens or bundles of joy or precious angels. I make no money, I'm a college student, my time is precious, and although I know A will make an amazing father someday, I know he's not close to being ready for that type of commitment either. And quite frankly, I'm too self-absorbed at the moment! Right now, I'm focused on me, me, me. My school, my work, my boyfriend, my vacation to Las Vegas with Nissa. There is no way I could have a kid right now.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, as you type this, you're still not sure and you're trying to talk yourself out of slipping A a ruffie and tossing out your birth control. Well, the straights are not so dire. Yes, I still ache when I see that insurance commercial with the guy who reminds me of my boyfriend holding a newborn. Sure, my ears still perk up when I hear the multitude of pregnant women at work talking about moving bellies, indigestion, strange cravings, and back aches. But I think this experience has actually helped me embrace my maternal instincts.

Another co-worker visited work with her one-week-old baby this week (the most beautiful boy on the planet) and I held him. And yes, my uterus was on fire with idealistic thoughts of becoming a mother. But I was able refrain from kidnapping the lil bitty boy, hand him over to the next girl and appreciate the fact that I could do that... give him back. Not yet, womb. Not yet.

But for now, maybe I can get a puppy...

My family is one big slap in the face

2008-09-16T21:22:00.005-05:00

After months preoccupation, I decided to reacquaint myself with my family last weekend. Born in a very small town, important information about the world is easily overlooked or, at best, briefly skimmed. My grandfather is an O'Reilly Factor devotee. That should tell you something.

My long-awaited visit comes after a very large announcement for the John McCain campaign. Sarah Palin is the GOP vice-presidential candidate. At the time, everyone exclaimed-- practically in unison-- Sarah WHO!?!?!

Well, we all know about her now, don't we? Or DO WE?? Look past all of this nonsense about downs syndrome babies and pregnant teenagers. It's all a distraction from the reality of the threat this announcement poses.

McCain is starting to pull away from Obama in the polls. Ok, ok, polls mean nothing in the end. But for now, it means that people look at the McCain/Palin double team and say, "This might be the change our country needs."

After arriving at my grandparents, my grandpa asked ME what I thought of Sarah Palin. I think, deep down in his heart, he was expecting me to like her. Instead, I asked him if he had decided to vote for Obama because of the latest announcement.

He proceeded to tell me that he likes Sarah Palin and her matter-of-fact speaking abilities. THEN my grandma agreed with him. Trust me, this is like an icicle staying frozen in hell.

Later that night, my brother and I enjoyed a few beers and he proclaimed that he was voting for McCain-- despite being a strict democrat-- because our dad's co-worker convinced him that the U.S. is doing good in Iraq. And even though he was about to be shipped over for his third tour, he thought the U.S. should stay there. Uh... ok? But my brother farms and I told him that if he wants his business to flourish, he needs to vote true to his heart and political ideals. Deaf Ears, I Say!

Later, my little sister-- a proud member of the United States Air Force-- proceeded to tell me that she really liked Sarah Palin (which she pronounced pah-lin) because she was a mother who was trying to make something better for herself. Oh, well... if we're going to look at it THAT way... What about the African-American (and YES, he is African AND American) who grew up with a single, working mother who died from cancer. Then lived with grandparents who told him he could do anything he wanted. And now he IS.

My goal over the next few weeks, hell, over the next couple months, is to convince my family to vote CORRECTLY and not to waste their hard-earned right on someone who's going to shove a dry, cold probe up their behind the second they turn around.

Yeah, you can say this is an op-ed piece.

Finally, A Party

2008-08-24T14:51:00.003-05:00

I was just thinking how I wish I knew someone like Jennifer Hudson in the movie, Sex & The City. I'm really not all that computer savvy and sometimes wish that I were or had a personal assistant who could just take the ideas from my head and make them happen. All of that aside:

We've been in the new apartment now for almost a month. Things have, for the most part, found a place to call home- and so have we. We're really enjoying the new space and the corresponding atmosphere. I actually never thought that living next to a railroad track and small creek could be so quaint. The train passes through a few times a day- usually when we're not at home to be bothered by it. But even when we are home, it's almost a welcome visitor. No whistles or obtrusive horns. Just a low, slow rumble as though it's saying hello and shaking your hand just before saying goodbye. Its visits typically only last 30 seconds or a minute. I especially think it's cute when Aaron says things like, "choo choo" just before he falls asleep.

One of the biggest perks about the new place is the wonderfully open kitchen. For the first time, Aaron and I can both be in the kitchen without stepping on one another's toes. And we've already put the new appliances to good use. I've baked some cookies and Aaron has already prepared a wonderful meal for us. My biggest complaint thus far is the "wind tunnel" bathroom. Man, that's obnoxious. Complaints aside, we love our new place.

We were blessed to have several close friends attend our very first grill out yesterday. I think we actually managed really well considering it was pretty much a "mobile party" held in two locations. Aaron did an amazing job behind the grill, preparing steak, chicken, brats, and hot dogs. All of which were so super-delicious. I don't think he would appreciate me giving out the secrets behind his rubs and marinades, but trust me when I say they're great. We played in the pool, even a little beer pong, and generally just caught up on some conversation with some wonderful people. Everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves. And while there were some friends missing that I had hoped could attend, I have to say it was a perfect party. Hopefully we can throw another again soon.

I only have 3 minutes...

2008-08-14T13:17:00.002-05:00

Scratch that- two minutes.

-It's good to see old friends...even the ones you weren't really sure you were friends with.
-I'm happy to be settled into the new apartment.
-I'm sad to be so poor.
-Which makes me anxious to get my financial aid *wink wink*
- I want to go visit Pancho in Chicago before the summer is over.
- I want to go on a long weekend road trip in a VW Cabrio (Nissa, did I spell that correctly)
- I'm excited to start school again
-AND I'm looking forward to diving into new marketing projects.

That's all for today.
It's brief, but it's what I've got.

My appreciation for my co-workers

2008-07-20T23:49:00.002-05:00

I think that it's a rarity to have a positive relationship with your co-workers in that considering you spend the majority of your work week with each other, you still want to spend time together outside of work. This weekend, we were lucky enough to go to the Mallards game & have a dang good time.

For the Fear of it All

2008-06-15T21:32:00.007-05:00

I often find myself confronted with people, friends or otherwise, who have achieved a position in life that is far more desirable than that of my own. When this happens, I'm reminded that it's difficult not to take a step back and reevaluate not only my current situation but the direction in which I'm heading.

For the accomplishments I have acquired, I feel very fortunate. In the twenty-five years of my life, I have received high accolades for my creativity, artistic talents, and diligence in everything I do. I was a member of the Army National Guard. I'm proud of that. I am a self-proclaimed Jack of All trades and an unfortunate Queen of none. However, I wouldn't necessarily say that I have any type of attention disorder. I simply want to be able to dig my hands into a wide array hobbies and professional skills whether they be self-taught or trained. Baking, cooking, composing, performing, scrapbooking, traveling, eating, dancing, working out, sewing, carpentry, art, reading, graphic design, sports, party planning. It's ridiculous.

Occasionally, I fear that my desire to conquer all hobbies great and small has set me back in a way that I won't be able to recoup from. I chased a dream to become a professional musician. I'm not really sure which was worse about that: My need to work multiple jobs in order to earn enough income to live & play music & have fun or the fact that my multiple jobs kept me from focusing on progressing my music career. After 3 years of creating unique but somewhat mediocre music in a forced and semi un-uncomfortable professional relationship with a guitarist/ songwriter, I decided that there were more important things in my life. Important things like a college degree.

Now, I'm faced with friends and colleagues. Oftentimes, they are several years my junior and they have launched their professional careers to heights that I can still only dream of. I'm working very hard so that I can finish school and with a great deal of luck and effort, jump directly into the career of my dreams so that I may too be able to focus on the milestones that I so desperately wish to reach. I am looking forward to being a strong, healthy woman with a positive and successful career. I long to be a great wife and a nurturing mother. I desire a home that I can be proud to call home and a life that I can be satisfied living.

I hate to use the word regret because that is something that you have to live with forever. But I frequently frequently believe that with the exception of meeting my best friend and hopefully future husband, I could have spent a particular three years in a much more productive fashion.

I have made a lot of mistakes. Sometimes, these mistakes have hurt the people that I love the most. For this, I am deeply sorry and I know that no amount of words can remedy that. I have to show people that I am prepared to take responsibility for my mistakes and truly live my life as a mature and responsible adult. I believe that I have began the transformation.

I am ready.

The Golden Arches of Goodness

2008-06-07T14:32:00.000-05:00

There's just something about it. That lil' fast food joint; whether it be Wendy's, Arby's, Culver's, Chipotle, Long John Silvers, Sonic, Subway, or the classic with billions served- McDonald's. We count on them to comfort us with tasty little bits of scrumpt-diddly-umptiousnous. Today, Aaron and I went to the local McDonald's for a small piece of Heaven-Cheeseburgers. I know some people choose not to eat red meat, a decision that I completely respect, but occasionally I enjoy me some beef patty on a bun with sesame seeds, cheese, and a truckload of ketchup. Yummy.

The supremely wonderful thing about fast food restaurants is the positively endless list of options. In my darkest of days, I often consider putting myself through a tour de fast food. Don't judge me. Let me explain. With so many options available at my steering-wheel tapping fingertips, there are times that I would like to go from one fast food place to another until I end up with a delicious smorgasbord of deep fried goodness.

Just think about it!

And now, here's my ideal fast food extravaganza (in no particular order):

Wendy's- Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger w/ ketchup

McDonald's- Chicken McNuggets w/ barbeque & honey

Arby's- Jalapeno poppers AND curly fries w/ horsey sauce AND bronco berry sauce

Culver's- Turtle sundae & cheese curds

Taco Bell- Chicken Quesadilla

Sonic- Cherry limeade slushie

Taco Johns- potato oles

A&W- Onion rings

Geezus... I'm glad this is all just hypothetical or I would throw up all over my blog...

Look pa, I'm a real blog!

2007-06-20T11:44:00.000-05:00

I have decided that I want to be more resolute in documenting my life. While paper and pen is certainly a more romantic option, the computer is more condusive for me to follow through with this plan at this point. So, what do I want to write about? Anything, I guess. As though we're picking up on a conversation from a mth ago? Sure.

So, Aaron and I have signed our lease for another year in our apartment. We couldn't be more thankful. Granted, we'll be paying a teensy weensy bit more per mth, but the glory of not moving (Again) is Glorious! In the meantime, I'm preparing for a few big things:

In 11 days, Aaron and his family and I leave for Portland, OR for a 2 wk vacation. His sister is getting married on 07/07/07 so we're going out early to get ready for the wedding. Also, Aaron and I have considered this city to be a potential home some time in the future and we'd like to get a good idea of what we would be jumping into. I'm very excited already and the next 11 days can't move fast enough.

I'm going back to school this fall and I can't wait. My brain is writhing to gain more knowledge and to embody a greater sense of self and this is exactly what I need. I'm switching majors to communications which I think will allow me to use my eccentric people skills to my advantage.

Tonight, Aaron and I are making dinner for his parents as our Christmas gift. I know, it has been a long time coming. But we're all busy so, this is our first chance. I was actually up until 1am making white chocolate raspberry creme brulee for tonight. It's going to be fun!

This is Aaron's new nephew, Tyler: